Want To Spend The Summer Floating Inside Kim Kardashian's Buttcheeks? Now's Your Chance

Folks,,,,

I gotta be honest, I think I’m going to be spending time this summer writing plenty of “Does This Look Like The Face Of Another Bro Who Was Fucking A Kim Kardashian Butt Emoji Float At The Holiday Inn” blogs. I appreciate the easy content but come on. Dont be a float fuccer.

While the float is obviously wonderful, I’m concerned about a few things.

1. You can get lost inside that crack. Look at it. That’s a deep, ass crack. I feel like some of our pals could have one too many drinks and end up doing a butt luge with the float and choke. Too much cheek. The crack is too deep. You’d be drowning in that ass in no time. Troublesome.

2. The cost. Never pay 98 dollars to ride some big ole butt. You can get butt for way cheaper than that. I mean, sure the butt is gonna be smaller. This is easily the biggest butt in the game, but ask yourself this question: Do I need all that ass? Can I even handle it? If you’re honest with yourself, the answer is probably no. Everyone wants an ass like that until people are staring at the beach. You wanna hang out with your nice ass in privacy but people are taking sneaky pictures of it while you are heading back to your car. It starts well because you are proud that you secured it because asses like that are in limited quantity, but you end up resenting the ass.

3. Stretch marks. Not good!